Embracing Fear Of The Unknown
How to take control of the “what ifs”
Our brains are the most complex organ we, as humans, possess and often the most misunderstood. How the brain perceives what our senses take in is understood fairly well yet we are still baffled when those judgments go awry. What we perceive will influence our thoughts and emotions, which in turn dictates what we will do next.
One of the most dangerous and potentially destructive thoughts we can ever have is “What if?”. What if I fail? What if she leaves me? What if I get rejected? What if I am a shitty writer? There are a million other what-ifs that will cross our minds in our lifetime.
Across nearly 7 million years the human brain has tripled in size, with most of this growth occurring in the past two million years. With this growth came the brains ability to make us aware of danger and the desire to keep us alive. We are continuously scanning our environment for potential threats to our safety and those that we love. Today, advances in medicine and technology have made our world a much safer place, and there are very few things or events that will put our safety in danger. Yet, while we usually don’t catastrophize, we are, at times, unable to stop thinking of loss to ourselves, our loved ones and our careers.
While the “what if?” can feel very real and scary, the solution is rather simple. Find out. Yes, you read that correctly, find out. The majority of people are rather ignorant about the things that scare them and rarely do we build up the courage to take a new oath without first envisioning what could go wrong. The problem with this thinking is that the stories that we tell ourselves are generally nothing more the fiction based on our imagination.
The majority of us play this game where we limit ourselves because of the “what ifs” and never realize we are not living up to our full potential. When we face our fears head-on we free ourselves of self-limiting doubt. We begin to understand that what is usually on the other side of the door is not as scary as what we made it out to be in our minds.
Fear is everywhere in our lives and regardless of how much preparation or planning you do, you’ll never completely remove it from your life. If fear is everywhere and you are not able to remove it from your life then the next best option is to learn to embrace it. Lean into fear and as you learn to overcome it you become stronger. Overcoming fear requires courage and having courage doesn’t mean that you don’t get scared. Courage is about being scared and doing it anyway.
As Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” What he was saying is that we may still have fears but we choose to overcome them for something we consider far greater. So many times we look and see fear as a barrier to what we want the most and yet we fail to realize it is merely an indicator that we are about to be pushed outside of our comfort zone. Granted when we are outside of our comfort zone it can be very scary and we will perceive it as a serious threat or we can simply look at it as a test, which, once completed, will make us stronger. To put it in layman’s terms our brains create fear to make us aware we are either about to do something incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.
When we shift our mindset we no longer view fear as a danger that we must run from but rather we see it as something to be listened to and understood. Fear will guide us to something we should engage in and embrace because it is here to help us. When we choose to run and hide from our fears then we give those fears the power to control our lives by making us feel scared and inadequate. You will always take the safe route and you will always change who you are just so you can fit in with the crowd. You will always have relationship problems because you will fear being abandoned if you speak up and be your true self.
The only way to overcome the feeling of fear is to recognize it and still push forward. I was scared to stand in front of a classroom and teach until I did it for the first time. I was scared when I found out I was going to be a father until I became a father. I was scared to separate from my wife until I separated from her. Sometimes you need to permit yourself to do the very things you know you should be doing. The harder you run and hide from fear, the more vulnerable to fear you become. When you s turn around and embrace the fear, you take back the power you have been giving away.
The only way to face your fears, and rid your life of the “what ifs” is to develop a mindset that will foster courage. This takes time and hard work but to able to move from a shy and timid soul to one who owns all of your fears is worth the effort. Think of courage like a muscle in your body that needs to be developed and built up. When I first began teaching I was extremely afraid of public speaking. Knowing full well that I could either stand in front of the class and teach or turn in my resignation, I needed to come up with a plan to face my fear. Initially, I began practicing in front of a mirror and eventually followed that up by using my son as a stand-in for the class. Once I was comfortable enough in front of him I moved to polishing my talking points in front of the rest of my family and friends. Once you get comfortable though it is time to step up your game even further. It wasn’t enough for me to just simply get comfortable enough to stand in front of a classroom full of adults, I needed to push myself to become a subject matter expert on all the points I would be talking about. This allowed me to engage those that could challenge my views or ideas instead of simply deflecting or referring it to someone else.
By practicing courage you make it easier to display courage when you are required to do so. The more you act on your fears the easier it gets to overcome them and the better you will get. This doesn’t give you permission to attack fear with reckless abandonment. Courage means facing your fears but also doing the right thing and holding onto your beliefs and values. Before you attack your fears always identify potential threats to your strategy. You don’t run a marathon without first training for it. You don’t launch your own business without doing the required research and market testing to ensure it is a viable business.
Overcoming your “what ifs” requires courage but courage also requires strategies and plans that will make it easier to take action. Identify the gaps in your plans and look for possible threats and weaknesses. Above all be smart and then courageous.
