Learning To Date As A Single Dad
As a single father, we are used to challenges. Raising our children is the most rewarding cone, but eventually, we begin to wonder if its time to start dating again. As a single father, dating will never be easy, but it can be done and there are plenty of woman that are willing to take a chance on us. No matter how you cut it, dating as a single dad is tricky business and there’s no easy route. If you are a single father looking to enter the dating scene, here is some advice to help you avoid potential pitfalls and possibly find new love.
Honesty saves everyone’s time
Before you even begin to download a dating app, it’s beneficial to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you are looking for. Are you looking for a partner for casual sex, or are you serious about finding someone new to spend the rest of your life with? Are you open to a woman who also has children? Answering these and similar questions will determine the kind of person you will date. On the flip side, if it is apparent that the woman you are dating is not interested or capable of eventual step-parenthood, its best to cut ties now and move on. Look at it as dating to disqualify. Be upfront, open and honest.
Make peace with your past
Being a divorced father usually means we are dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt regarding the amount of time we can see our children. Other times we are still dealing with unprocessed feelings regarding our divorce and our former spouse. Before you begin to date, you must deal with the past to have a future. No date will find you attractive or worthy of a second date if you go on endlessly about the hurts of your past.
Its time we talked
If and when you are ready to date, its best to make your children aware of your decision. Depending on their age they may need to be reassured that they are the most important people in your life. Be aware that every child will react differently to their father dating after a divorce. Often, a child’s hopes of their parents reconciling are shattered when a parent begins to date. They now must face the prospect of sharing you with another person, and may initially misbehave as they seek to draw all of your attention back to them.
Seeking Miss Right
Your children should always be your top priority and an emergency will inevitably happen. The woman you choose to date must be comfortable knowing you may need to leave early or cancel the date altogether. If she reacts negatively or shows signs of jealousy, you will have to search your beliefs and values to determine if these are deal-breakers. Becoming a good dater sometimes means becoming a good ender. Your desire to be with a woman should never trump your obligations as a parent.
Go slow with introductions
Having your children see a revolving door of women is not healthy for them and it will also cause issues later on in their lives. While it may be tempting, it’s often better to avoid introducing your children to any woman you have chosen to date until you know you are both serious about the relationship. If, and when the time comes for introductions it is best to choose an environment that your children will feel safe and comfortable in. Generally, this means your own home and avoid sleepovers during this initial introduction period.
Does my former spouse need to know?
No, just because you are co-parenting with her doesn’t mean she needs to know about your decision to begin dating. Nor does she need to know who you are dating. However, once you have chosen to introduce your new love interest to your children, your former spouse deserves a heads up. This is not only a common courtesy but for safety as well. Be warned that your co-parent probably will not like your new partner, and that is their right. However, their opinion of your new romantic interested should not influence your feelings for your new partner.
