Men Can Be Victims of Domestic Violence too
Domestic violence from a male’s perspective is not something that is discussed very much in society even though it is more common than most people think. It is not talked about because most men would rather not talk about it or report it so statistics on incidents are rather difficult to find or put together. Domestic violence or intimate partner abuse comes in many forms and spans all different types of relationships including same-sex couples. So why do we not talk about it and why do so many men remain silent?
I don’t know if I can pinpoint the exact day my wife started to abuse me but there are some very clear and defining moments that stand out for me. I remember being in the kitchen with her as she hurled the negative comments towards me telling me how shitty of a husband I was, how she hated my guts and how small my penis was. When I asked her to please keep her voice down because the kids were in another room she grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened to stab me. She went on to tell me she had stabbed another person before and she wasn’t afraid to do it again. As a man, you have a duty to protect your family and in that moment I realized I could not protect my children from this woman if I was dead and besides who would believe me, a man standing over six and a half feet tall, over a woman being petite and just broaching the five-foot mark?
The following day she threatened to kill me again if I didn’t do as she pleased but this time I walked out of the house and called the police. While many city police departments in Canada seem to turn a blind eye to domestic violence we lived in a small community that was policed by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. When the officers arrived they listened and for once I felt believed. The abuse didn’t stop there though as she still hurled insults towards me as they led her away in handcuffs. That night was the first night in months that I slept the whole night. Doors were not even locked but I knew where she was and she eventually spent over a week in jail before being released with a no-contact order in place.
Over the next few days I phoned every resource number the police gave me but found there really is no resources for men that have been abused. One government resource actually directed me to therapy for abusive husbands even though I clearly explained I was the one abused.
Through going to court and her taking anger management courses we eventually came back together and to be honest things were pretty good. She was diagnosed with depression and was on top of her medications and while the relationship was not perfect it was a good enough marriage. After just over 6 years of good times and enjoying our marriage she decided to stop her medications and try life without them. How do you tell your spouse they are not well and get them to listen? You can’t really and as I stood by her and watched her downward spiral I realized again that I had to protect my children.
One thing you have to remember is that without outside help it never will get better. The abuse will not stop and you can try all kinds of different approaches but just know at some point in time men you will have to take your balls back and confront the issue. You deserve this and so do your children. It will not be easy and it will get worse before it gets better. Mine turned from emotional and verbal abuse to physical abuse once she realized I was no longer interested in staying with her and the children deserved a life without her toxic behavior. My wife belittled and abused me to the point where I didn’t think anyone would believe me nor would anyone else ever want to be with me.
Its been five months since the night that she physically abused me and some days are downright shitty and other days are just..well ok I guess. My wife is still a toxic person to this day and still attempts to cross boundaries but my children now see that this type of behavior is not acceptable and that if this ever happens they can and will walk away.
