Taming Your Ego
How to find a better life balance and to be happier
Everyone has one and some are bigger and more grandiose while others are more realistic. Generally, the ego is defined as one’s self-concept, a feeling of self-worth, or your level of self-confidence. It convinces us that we are valued, important and great at what we do. We are all born free of ego and quickly develop one as we traverse childhood. It is what shapes our world by dictating not only how we dress but also how we react to situations. Without some ego, we would not have the material success we do have.
While having one is important and not necessarily a bad thing, it can quickly become a monster when it convinces us that we are more important, more valuable and better than others when it comes to what we do. If we let our egos drive our thought process, we will suffer the consequences of poor decision making as our egos cause us to fight logic and facts. As a general rule, we don’t like to find out we are wrong, and a bruised ego can be painful.
A challenging or misunderstood life experience tends to hurt the balance of our self-concept. Our emotions and fears, when faced with a prolonged challenge, also plays on our ego. In my work as a career coach and trainer, I see this relationship shift occur quite frequently. A slow start to your monthly sales can quickly create anxiety, fear, and doubt that you will be unable to achieve your sales goals. A divorce or embarrassing life event can shatter your ego and further upset your life balance.
It is said we are the best judges of others’ behavior and the greatest lawyers for our own. We will easily call a person out for being full of themselves and having a big ego, but we are often unwilling to accept blame when our ego gets the best of us. As a writer, having an inflated ego may initially win you fans, but your sense of self-importance, brashness, and arrogance will quickly cause your popularity to fade. The bully or the micromanager suffer from ego issues that often gives them a distorted perception of reality. They put a tremendous amount of energy into maintaining control of their egocentric world with the ultimate goal of having a life that centers around them.
If you’re feeling a little hurt right now because this resonates with you, then its time for some good hard truths about who you are and what you are letting your ego tell you. It may be uncomfortable to hear, and if you feel insulted, then I am glad I have hit a nerve.
- When it comes to your work, you’re not as important as you think. Yes, you may work hard, and people may count on you, but the reality is if you were to die tomorrow your position would be posted before your body was in the ground. Life goes on, and you will quickly be forgotten.
- You’re not as smart as you think you are. Others are a lot smarter than you, and the more you allow them to share their knowledge with you, the quicker the problems can be solved, and the more work that can be done.
- You will be remembered for the impact that you made in the lives of those you have loved and those who you took time to interact with. Not by how much work you got done in each day.
Taming, or repairing, your ego can quite possibly be the most beneficial action you can take to finding more balance in your life. It means checking your perceptions against your beliefs and values, and against the terms that you have set out for yourself. As a leader or manager, it means controlling your ego and setting the pace by showing up from a place of service, acknowledgment, and innovation. To tame one’s ego means you hold others in high regard and empathize with them.
When you rely on accountability, you put your ego in check. It’s about mastering your emotions to not over inflate the highs nor to not dwell on the lows. It’s about understanding that the only way to learn and achieve more is to accept criticism for what it is. There are plenty of writers on Medium that do not make it past their first story, and many more will drop out before the month is up. A lack of reads or claps can translate into a bruised ego, which can be painful, and as humans, we tend to run from pain.
Wherever we are in life we must realize that we can’t control the circumstances only our attitude towards them. When we tame our ego, we are better able to see each circumstance for what it is, and we learn to navigate through them in a way that allows us to get closer to achieving our goals than any overreaction ever will. Its time to stop defining yourself by how full you fill your day is, compared to the person next to you. To better understand how we can rely on each other, so we can work less and produce more, we must learn the strengths of this around us.
The more you are in control of your ego, the more your life will come into balance and the happier you will be.
