To Be a Better Person Learn To Be Alone
One of the most challenging things we, as humans, have to learn is how to be alone. Society judges those that are alone as being anti-social or damaged goods and biologically we are wired for connection so why would we want to be alone? While I am not advocating you go off the grid and build a bunker to hide out in the truth is learning to be alone has a host of benefits.
It allows us to discover who we are, what we like and dislike, not only about ourselves but within life in general, and by what rules we will govern our lives. I can’t think of better reasons to learn how to be alone with yourself.
One of the easiest ways to start learning to be alone is by taking a trip, by yourself, to a place where nobody knows who you are. When you travel by yourself or spend some quality time alone you realize that you have nobody’s approval to win and your true self starts to become more evident as there is no need to mask your faults. You’re addictions quickly become self-evident as you use alcohol, sex, food or work to cope with who you are. As we heal ourselves and become comfortable alone we realize our addictions no longer control us. Alone in a different city, you only have yourself to please and there is no need to compromise. You go to sleep when you choose and the same is true for when you want to get out of bed. Eat what appeals to only you even if it’s just what looks familiar.
When we are constantly around others or with another person, like a spouse, we often forget just who we are and what direction we want to take in life. Your personal space becomes shared space and soon parts of the other person begins to change who you are. We need to remember that nobody but ourselves is responsible for meeting our needs, wants and happiness. This is impossible to do unless we get to spend some time alone? Remember to do what feels right to you but you alone are responsible for the consequences of your actions.
Constantly interacting with other people can be mentally exhausting so when you are alone you begin to reenergize and center yourself. Life moves at a pace much faster then most of us would like so when we are alone it gives us a chance to reflect on our lives and what is happening to us. Self-reflection is careful thought about our own behavior and beliefs. Through self-reflection, we increase our own emotional intelligence and strengthen our core values which means we act with integrity.
When you know how to be alone you are less likely to be co-dependent on another person as you know how to bring joy and fulfillment into your own life and less likely to try and fix other people’s problems. A codependent person is less likely to voice his or her true feelings for fear of upsetting and/or scaring away his or her significant other. Your self-esteem should not come from others but rather from who you are.
What most people get wrong about being alone is you never have to be lonely or feel isolated. You get to choose who you let into your life and once you have learned to art of being alone you quickly realize how unhealthy some relationships are. If you are comfortable being alone why would you tolerate manipulation or abusive behavior? Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for it to get better because chances are it never will.
Learning to be alone teaches you not to settle as every time you settle you only get what you settled for.
Often I bring my journal with me when I spend extended periods with myself. It helps me with self-observation and it will give you a way to reflect and see patterns of thinking or behavior that are not in line with my beliefs and values. After all, we all need time alone.
